mazznyc
04-09-2003, 04:41 PM
A "different" view: Iraqi Info. Min. Sahhaf says, "Kansas downs 'Cuse" Reply
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Al-Jazeera reports Kansas win
DOHA, Qatar - Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf says that the Kansas Jayhawks pounded the Syracuse Orangemen in the final of the NCAA mens’ tourny.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraqi Minister of Information
"The Kansas team annihilated Syracuse. The Jayhawks won 'going away' and the Orangemen never had a chance, trailing Kansas the entire game," said al-Sahhaf.
"In fact," said al-Sahhaf, "The Jayhawks dominated in every aspect of the game shooting 83 percent from the field while the Orange could only manage 8 percent. The Jayhawks out-rebounded the Orangemen, too, taking 85 caroms to Syracuse's despicable 15 off the boards." Al-Sahhaf said that the Jayhawks were so masterful over the 'Cuse that they actually managed to keep the Orangemen from crossing mid-court for a 10-minute stretch during the second half of the game.
Today, the entire Arab world is in an uproar over the game. Many Arab leaders are calling for "Jihad" against ESPN, various US newspapers, and other US news and sports shows that have reported a Syracuse win.
"We are just waiting to see how Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News, and other cursed American sports publications report the game before we add them to our list of lying infidel targets of our justified, holy anger," said al-Sahhaf. He later called on pregnant Arab women to strap bombs to themselves and attack the offices and publishing plants of anyone spreading the "lie" that Syracuse actually won the game and also news stands that were distributing these "lies."
Meanwhile, in a rare comment from the French, their Foreign Ministry spokesman Francois Rivasseau said, "We do not feel the NCAA was justified in holding this tournament in the first place, so we could NOT care less who actually won." The Germans have threatened to pull out of NATO because the tournament was held and the Russians, who recalled their embassy staff to Moscow, are demanding an apology from the NCAA before they will allow their ambassador to return to Washington.
Once staunch ally Turkey is still fuming because the NCAA refused to pay them $1.6 billion to allow the tournament to be broadcast to American servicemen stationed in Turkey on the American Forces Radio and Television Service outlets. They have indicated that their Parliament is considering closing US bases there.
Meanwhile, Al-Jazeera television is showing a video tape of Saddam Hussein, wearing a Gonzaga jersey, seated in a conference room with his council of ministers. NCAA officials were unavailable for comment but it is believed they are attempting to determine how long ago the tape was made.
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I'll try to keep you all updated on these developments...
wv_hawk
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Al-Jazeera reports Kansas win
DOHA, Qatar - Iraqi information minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf says that the Kansas Jayhawks pounded the Syracuse Orangemen in the final of the NCAA mens’ tourny.
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraqi Minister of Information
"The Kansas team annihilated Syracuse. The Jayhawks won 'going away' and the Orangemen never had a chance, trailing Kansas the entire game," said al-Sahhaf.
"In fact," said al-Sahhaf, "The Jayhawks dominated in every aspect of the game shooting 83 percent from the field while the Orange could only manage 8 percent. The Jayhawks out-rebounded the Orangemen, too, taking 85 caroms to Syracuse's despicable 15 off the boards." Al-Sahhaf said that the Jayhawks were so masterful over the 'Cuse that they actually managed to keep the Orangemen from crossing mid-court for a 10-minute stretch during the second half of the game.
Today, the entire Arab world is in an uproar over the game. Many Arab leaders are calling for "Jihad" against ESPN, various US newspapers, and other US news and sports shows that have reported a Syracuse win.
"We are just waiting to see how Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News, and other cursed American sports publications report the game before we add them to our list of lying infidel targets of our justified, holy anger," said al-Sahhaf. He later called on pregnant Arab women to strap bombs to themselves and attack the offices and publishing plants of anyone spreading the "lie" that Syracuse actually won the game and also news stands that were distributing these "lies."
Meanwhile, in a rare comment from the French, their Foreign Ministry spokesman Francois Rivasseau said, "We do not feel the NCAA was justified in holding this tournament in the first place, so we could NOT care less who actually won." The Germans have threatened to pull out of NATO because the tournament was held and the Russians, who recalled their embassy staff to Moscow, are demanding an apology from the NCAA before they will allow their ambassador to return to Washington.
Once staunch ally Turkey is still fuming because the NCAA refused to pay them $1.6 billion to allow the tournament to be broadcast to American servicemen stationed in Turkey on the American Forces Radio and Television Service outlets. They have indicated that their Parliament is considering closing US bases there.
Meanwhile, Al-Jazeera television is showing a video tape of Saddam Hussein, wearing a Gonzaga jersey, seated in a conference room with his council of ministers. NCAA officials were unavailable for comment but it is believed they are attempting to determine how long ago the tape was made.
###
I'll try to keep you all updated on these developments...
wv_hawk